Sondage

Cela fait maintenant un mois tout pile que Jinder Mahal est champion de la WWE. Selon vous::

Clobber report, #22

Djobi, Jobber
Cada dia te quiero ma'
Djobi Djobi, Djobi Jobber
Cada dia yo te quiero ma'
Djobi Djobi, Djobi Jobber
Cada dia yo te quiero ma'

 

Vous aussi, marchez dans la lumière des Gipsy Kings, visionnaires troubadours qui chantaient les louanges de votre serviteur bien avant qu'Eric Bischoff change les règles de son Top 10 du public en cours de route. Comment? En lisant la vingt-deuxième édition du Clobber Report, consacrée aux shows hebdomadaires de la semaine du 10 mai. Oui, OK, ça remonte un tout petit peu.

 

 

Il est temps de foutre un Report en ligne!

 

 

Clobber report, semaine du 10 mai

 

 

 

Il est temps de foutre!

 

Welcome to monday night flaw (Raw): Je vais m'abaisser à une pratique aussi vile que la cheap heat en fustigeant une fois de plus Michael Cole, mais ce raciste refoulé le mérite amplement. Oui oui, raciste. En témoignent le choix de ses mots au moment où Ted DiBiase paye les frangins Colon (pourquoi une green card? Pourquoi pas un faire-part de mariage ou une photo dédicacée?) et le fait qu'il ait appelé Carlito Carlo (le jour où il appellera John Cena Joe, les poules danseront la carioca). Remarquez, c'est peut-être juste qu'il est pas drôle et incompétent.

 

 

- Tu viens de dire quoi là?

- Que je me taperais bien une petite négresse... J'ai gaffé?

 

 

Non-smoking Guns (iMPACT!) : à quoi reconnaît-on que le public de la TNA a changé? Au fait que les prouesses des Motor City Machineguns sont désormais applaudies par trois pékins alors que les "creatures of the night" et jets de t-shirt du plus jeune des frères Hardy déclenchent une crise d'hystérie collective. Y a pas à dire, c'était mieux avant.

 

 

Bon, OK il a pas compris que le Sharpshooter se portait avec les deux jambes d'une même personne, mai c'est pas une raison.

 

 

 

It's clobbering time!

 

Dresseur d'URSS: En plus d'être franchement poilants, les segments impliquant Kozlov et Santino font renaître un espoir que je nourris depuis les débuts de l'Italien à la WWE: qu'il reprenne la gimmick de technicien bi-classé brute épaisse qu'il utilisait à la OVW sous le nom de Boris Alexiev. Maintenant que Kozlov a un physique plus athlétique qu'au moment de sa streak, ces deux-là feraient une équipe du tonnerre.

 

 

- I demand better competition.

- Enchanté, moi c'est I demand better gimmick, je crois qu'on va bien s'entendre.

 

 

To be the man, you gotta mute the man: Incroyable révélation cette semaine à Orlando: Ric Flair sait parler de manière intelligible, il suffit qu'il le fasse à un volume normal. Dommage que dès qu'il est en public, il ressente le besoin de s'égosiller comme un condamné à mort sur une chaise électrique défectueuse.

 

 

Même l'équipe technique est surprise.

 

 

Ainsi s'achève ce vingt-deuxième numéro, merci à vous de l'avoir lu jusqu'au bout. Le Clobber Report ne serait toutefois pas complet sans une intervention de l'un de ses plus fidèles lecteurs, l'homme de la situation, Lou Albano.

 

 

Often immitated, but never duplicated!

 

 

C'est compris Hogan? Lâche l'affaire.

Reconstruisez le mur de Berlin !

Y a anguille sous roche entre Koslov et Santino... Le fait que l'Italien ne soit peut être pas... Italien, la répétition des segments backstages montrant un Santino revenant à la charge pour retrouver son ami, la reformation, paradoxalement justifiée et pas expédiée comme d'autres feuds, de la Table Ronde, impliquant que peut être que les motifs de disputes du temps de l'ECW ne sont pas totalement oubliés, les performances assez clownesques de Koslov en moujik massacrant l'anglais de son accent pour protester auprès des GH... Bref, ce triangle amoureux, qui attend peut être le retour de Zeke pour exploser en deux équipes feudant, fait parti des meilleurs espoirs que renferme la midcard de Raw, pour avoir du catch, et en plus rigoler avec des segments originaux.

Wishful thinking

Santino est voué à clowner à jamais, et Kozlov... ben je le vois bien être de la prochaine charrette, en fait.

What's up?



31 janvier

Il était bien cool, ce Rumble, non? Venez dire dans les comms de la nalyse ce que vous en avez pensé, et n'oubliez pas que les vignettes attendent vos légendes sagaces ici.

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Commentaires récents

Les Vignettes des Cahiers


Merde, j’ai toujours été nul au Puissance 4.


Retrouvez ici toutes nos vignettes !


Quotes of the Cahiers

"I'm gonna leave him in a pile of blood, and urine and vomit."
Brock Lesnar à propos de John Cena

"At 9 am Eastern time tomorrow, the WWE Network goes live. But the problem is you’re all gonna be so overwhelmed by the incredible content available, you won’t be able to turn it off. Adults will lose their jobs and kids will be expelled from schools for lack of attendance. In fact, you’re gonna be so mesmerized by the incredible content of the WWE Network that you won’t even have time to remove the garbage from your houses. Your places are gonna start to stink, rats will move in, and they’re gonna look like bigger pigsties than they already do. Ultimately, the government is gonna come along and condemn your homes and you will all be left homeless defending yourself on the street. Thank you very much."
Bad News Barrett

"He’s twisting him so much his twin brother is getting dizzy !"
JBL commentant un Giant Swing d'Antonio Cesaro sur l'un des frères Uso.

"I think I'm a little too old for you Jerry. I'm 26, I know you like them younger."
AJ Lee, à Raw, s'adressant à Jerry Lawler

"It looks like James Storm has had more partners than Taylor Swift lately, he should probably get tested"
Bad Influence

"Having watched that… I regret the doctors in Canada saving my life.”
Jerry Lawler, après le segment où Mae Young a accouché d'Hornswoggle.

"What's running through John Cena's mind? I don't give a crap what's running through his mind. What's more important is what's running down his leg."
Brock Lesnar

"Yes. Stop sending dumb tweets like this one. RT: @Kid_Antrim Any advice for me?"
Paul Heyman, sur Twitter

"With Kofi Kingston as the Intercontinental Champion, the bar has been lowered. And when the bar’s been lowered, mediocrity becomes acceptable. And when mediocrity becomes acceptable, society crumbles. And when society crumbles, civilization will end as we know it.”
Le Miz, Hell in a Cell

"Can you figure that? She's not able to get a date! I mean, even Natalya is able to get a date!"
Eve à propos de Layla

"I understand that you barbaric buffoons could easily eviscerate me and dispose of me like common trash. However, if you do so, I will not be a victim. I will be a martyr. A martyr for anyone who appreciates a sophisticated mind."
Damien Sandow, à DX.

"Apparently, giants can win the Super Bowl, but not matches at WrestleMania. You’re like ‘The Reverse Undertaker’. Who are you going to lose to this year? The boxer or the sumo wrestler?”"
Cody Rhodes au Big Show

"The Kliq is back, which is kind of ironic because "click" is the noise the audience's remote control makes every time Kevin Nash pops up on their TV screen."
CM Punk

"It's a conspiracy! C... O... N.... Spiracy!"
R-Truth

"I understand that... that Vince McMahon's gonna make money despite himself... he's a millionaire who should be a billionaire... you know why he's not a billionaire? It's because he surrounds himself with glad-handing nonsensical yes-men like John Laurinaitis, who's gonna tell him everything he wants to hear... and I'd like to think that maybe this company will be better after Vince McMahon is dead, but the fact is it's gonna get taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family."
CM Punk

"These people are not Jimmies. They are the greatest fans in the world!"
John Cena, à R-Truth qui venait de qualifier le public de Raw de "Little Jimmies".

"Can you imagine if Sheamus wins this thing? I mean, the international ramifications, I mean the buyrate, I’m talking about the demographic change and everything? If Sheamus wins this match, it will be huge, not only for him but for the Smackdown brand."
Booker T., pendant un Title Match opposant le champion poids lourds Randy Orton à Sheamus.

"When I’m done with him, he’s gonna have barbecue sauce fueling out from his belly button like a geyser."
Michael Cole à propos de Jim Ross

"The WWE has gone from the powerful "Austin 3:16" to the dominant and iconic "can you smell what the Rock is cookin?"... all the way to "You can't see me"? You can't see me, what are you, playing peek-a-boo? Believe me, we all can see you. A blindfolded, sleeping, stuck in the basement Stevie Wonder can see your monkey ass. How in the hell do you think we can miss you come out here with your bright ass purple shirt, before that bright green shirt, bright orange shirt like a big fat bowl of Fruity Pebbles?"
The Rock à John Cena

"Jerry Lawler has forgotten more about wrestling than the Miz has ever known."
CM Punk

"If anyone says you can't do something, if anyone says you can't live your dream... Believe them, because you can't."
The Miz

"William Regal did the real work with this young man. Shawn Michaels took $3000 from him, that's all he ever did."
CM Punk à propos de la formation de Daniel Bryan

"I would RKO my own grandmother if it meant keeping this title. And then I'd RKO YOUR grandmother just to see the look on her face."
Randy Orton, à Sheamus

Virgil: - Ted, what are you going to do for protection?
Ted DiBiase, jetant un coup d'oeil à Maryse: - Go to the drugstore.

"Her teeth are going to be like the Ten Commendments after this match: all broken."
Alicia Fox, à propos d'Eve Torres

"Layla is not married. She deserves a good husband. I should marry her before she meets him."
Jerry Lawler

"If I suck, why would a Perry deli – the top Perry deli – name their top-selling sandwich after me? It's called the Swaggie. It smells like freedom."
Jack Swagger

"I realize how much of a starmaking performance I had in McGruber. The reviews have been off the charts. As a matter of fact, they are speaking of a possible early Oscar nomination."
Chris Jericho

"I'm sure your mom's uterus is awesome."
Vicki StElmo à Vladimir Kozlov

"If we were in your era, I'd put a Sharpshooter on you faster than you can put a pair of cheap sunglasses on an ugly kid."
The Miz, à Bret Hart.

"When I look at you I don't see fans. I don't even see people. I see money, money, money, money. Dollar signs, dollar signs, dollar signs, dollar signs. With some of you, a lot of dollar signs because I see a lot of fat people in the audience and I know you paid for two seats. Thank you very much!"
Batista à Raw.

"We are real women with the body that God created us with."
Mickie James, la femme aux implants mammaires en silicone qui explosent dans le ring.

Don Johnson: "This is a mistake!"
The Miz: "Mistake? No. Pink shirts and white suits, that is a mistake."

"One nation under Punk, undivisible, with integrity and sobriety for all!"
CM Punk

Michael Cole: "Our guest at ringside, Marisse. Welcome."
Maryse: "Oh my god, Michael Cole, you vintage nerd. You can't even say my name right. I should punish you and just give you my French kiss."

"If I see you in my match tonight, I'm gonna tear your intestins out and jump rope with it. And that's not all. I'm gonna take my two fingers, I'm gonna dig up your nosedrills and I'll rip your brain out. And I'm gonna put it in a newspaper and I'm gonna smash it against a window."
Mike Tyson à Hornswoggle

Ted DiBiase: "My movie, the Marine II, is superior to the original Marine."
Cody Rhodes: "Ted, my fifth grade graduation video is superior to the original Marine."

"I'm on Raw, you're on Smackdown... Long distance relationships don't work, Chris."
Big Show

Jerry Lawler, après une promo de Maryse où elle a qualifié Melina de "petite poupée": "Did she just say poupée? Do you know what that means in French?"
Michael Cole: "What?"
Jerry Lawler: "I... I can't say it!"

"I respect her. There are a lot of things that she does that I couldn't do, being the size that she is."
Michelle McCool à propos de Mickie James.

"We have MVP on the stage, and PMS in the ring."
Goldust, à propos des divas assemblées dans le ring pendant les Slammy Awards 2009.

"It was kind of like the 300 at the battle of Thermopylae, but with better abs".
John Morrison à propos de la fin de son match à Survivor Series, quand il s'est retrouvé à 1 contre 3.

"Hi, I'm John Morrison, and one time I drove my Lexus 700 miles on a tank full of my own urine."
John Morrison

"I always said if I could put my brain in Andrew’s body he’d be a 20-time world champ."
Edge à propos de Andrew "Test" Martin