Sondage

Cela fait maintenant un mois tout pile que Jinder Mahal est champion de la WWE. Selon vous::

Clobber report, #28

Djobi, Jobber
Cada dia te quiero ma'
Djobi Djobi, Djobi Jobber
Cada dia yo te quiero ma'
Djobi Djobi, Djobi Jobber
Cada dia yo te quiero ma'

 

Vous aussi, marchez dans la lumière des Gipsy Kings, visionnaires troubadours qui chantaient les louanges de votre serviteur bien avant que la section "protection de l'enfance" de la WWE ne vire un mec coupable d'avoir réinventé la fameuse cravate de notaire (et ne fiche la paix à celui qui a un marteau et cogne le jour et cogne la nuit, au type qui file 18 coups de chaise à son patron, à celui qui enferme des obèses dans des cercueils...). Comment? En lisant la vingt-huitième édition du Clobber Report, consacrée aux show hebdomadaires de la semaine du 7 juin.

 

 

Il est temps de foutre son nom sur la pétition en faveur de Danielson!

 

 

Clobber Report, semaine du 7 juin

 

 

Il est temps de foutre!

 

Et Vince McMahon créa la diva (Raw): On le sait, la WWE a du mal à envisager les femmes autrement que comme des sacs à main remplis de silicone, de fers à repasser, de gâteaux et de maquillage. Le stéréotype est toutefois assez répandu pour qu'on l'encaisse sans trop broncher. Là où ça coince, c'est au niveau des règles de la bataille royale au féminin: d'où ces dames peuvent-elles êtres éliminées en passant entre la deuxième et la troisième corde? Ce ne sont pas des nains que je sache!

 

 

PAR-DESSOUS LA TROISIEME CORDE!

 

 

Publicité mensongère (iMPACT!): Note pour le monteur du clip promotionnel de Slammiversary: quand la direction supprime une stipulation, en l’occurrence le fantastique King of the Mountain Match, on évite d'en mettre des extraits en avant. Et je ne parle même pas du passage sur Raven (si la pancarte "McMahon fears Raven" aperçue à ce moment-là a joué en sa faveur, c'est encore pire).

 

 

Et lui là, c'est pas Ric Flair (ça se voit au niveau du nombre de paillettes).

 

 

 

It's clobbering time!

 

Ouuuuuh, Vickie! (Smackdown): Au risque de passer pour un déviant, j'espère que vous avez remarqué la bomba latina qu'est devenue Vickie Guerrero grâce à sa nouvelle coupe de cheveux. Matt Striker s'en est rendu compte, lui, et il l'a rugi aux oreilles de son comparse: il se taperait bien un cougar à l'occasion. Quel homme, décidément.

 

 

Malgré l'étroitesse de son anus, Grisham apprécie.

 

 

Et il n'est pas le seul.

 

 

Non, vraiment pas le seul.

 

 

Oui bon ça va oh!

 

 

TNA Comedy Club (iMPACT!): Au risque de passer pour un déviant de première classe, j'aurai pu vous vanter les charmes d'une autre bomba latina, j'ai nommé Hernandez, revenu dans une excellente condition physique. Je vais plutôt saluer le don d'imitation de Jay Lethal, l'une des rares choses qui me satisfassent ces temps-ci à Orlando, et souhaiter que Dixie et compagnie ne tirent pas sur la corde en l'associant à Charlie Haas dans le cas d'une signature de ce dernier.

 

 

Merci Rob, pour une fois tu m'es utile, c'est le mot que je cherchais pour qualifier le reste du show.

 

 

Ainsi s'achève ce vingt-huitième numéro, merci à vous de l'avoir lu jusqu'au bout. Le Clobber Report ne serait toutefois pas complet sans une intervention de l'un de ses plus lecteurs, le courtois Jesse Ventura.

 

 

The pleasure was all yours.

le coup de la deuxième corde chez les divas

c'est un peu comme les 3 sets gagnants en tennis en grand chelem chez les joueuses, finalement. Non ?

Vignette collector

L'étroitesse de l'anus de Todd Grisham hahaha

Merci merci !

sexy cougar

C'est vrai que la remarque de Striker quand Vickie c'est installer m'a bien fait rire et le calin de fin de match était superbe aussi.

Sinon tu a le lien pour la pétition?
Bien que je reste persuader qu'il sagis d'un work sa coute rien de faire gonfler une pétition.

La voici

What's up?



31 janvier

Il était bien cool, ce Rumble, non? Venez dire dans les comms de la nalyse ce que vous en avez pensé, et n'oubliez pas que les vignettes attendent vos légendes sagaces ici.

Connexion utilisateur

Commentaires récents

Les Vignettes des Cahiers


Merde, j’ai toujours été nul au Puissance 4.


Retrouvez ici toutes nos vignettes !


Quotes of the Cahiers

"I'm gonna leave him in a pile of blood, and urine and vomit."
Brock Lesnar à propos de John Cena

"At 9 am Eastern time tomorrow, the WWE Network goes live. But the problem is you’re all gonna be so overwhelmed by the incredible content available, you won’t be able to turn it off. Adults will lose their jobs and kids will be expelled from schools for lack of attendance. In fact, you’re gonna be so mesmerized by the incredible content of the WWE Network that you won’t even have time to remove the garbage from your houses. Your places are gonna start to stink, rats will move in, and they’re gonna look like bigger pigsties than they already do. Ultimately, the government is gonna come along and condemn your homes and you will all be left homeless defending yourself on the street. Thank you very much."
Bad News Barrett

"He’s twisting him so much his twin brother is getting dizzy !"
JBL commentant un Giant Swing d'Antonio Cesaro sur l'un des frères Uso.

"I think I'm a little too old for you Jerry. I'm 26, I know you like them younger."
AJ Lee, à Raw, s'adressant à Jerry Lawler

"It looks like James Storm has had more partners than Taylor Swift lately, he should probably get tested"
Bad Influence

"Having watched that… I regret the doctors in Canada saving my life.”
Jerry Lawler, après le segment où Mae Young a accouché d'Hornswoggle.

"What's running through John Cena's mind? I don't give a crap what's running through his mind. What's more important is what's running down his leg."
Brock Lesnar

"Yes. Stop sending dumb tweets like this one. RT: @Kid_Antrim Any advice for me?"
Paul Heyman, sur Twitter

"With Kofi Kingston as the Intercontinental Champion, the bar has been lowered. And when the bar’s been lowered, mediocrity becomes acceptable. And when mediocrity becomes acceptable, society crumbles. And when society crumbles, civilization will end as we know it.”
Le Miz, Hell in a Cell

"Can you figure that? She's not able to get a date! I mean, even Natalya is able to get a date!"
Eve à propos de Layla

"I understand that you barbaric buffoons could easily eviscerate me and dispose of me like common trash. However, if you do so, I will not be a victim. I will be a martyr. A martyr for anyone who appreciates a sophisticated mind."
Damien Sandow, à DX.

"Apparently, giants can win the Super Bowl, but not matches at WrestleMania. You’re like ‘The Reverse Undertaker’. Who are you going to lose to this year? The boxer or the sumo wrestler?”"
Cody Rhodes au Big Show

"The Kliq is back, which is kind of ironic because "click" is the noise the audience's remote control makes every time Kevin Nash pops up on their TV screen."
CM Punk

"It's a conspiracy! C... O... N.... Spiracy!"
R-Truth

"I understand that... that Vince McMahon's gonna make money despite himself... he's a millionaire who should be a billionaire... you know why he's not a billionaire? It's because he surrounds himself with glad-handing nonsensical yes-men like John Laurinaitis, who's gonna tell him everything he wants to hear... and I'd like to think that maybe this company will be better after Vince McMahon is dead, but the fact is it's gonna get taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family."
CM Punk

"These people are not Jimmies. They are the greatest fans in the world!"
John Cena, à R-Truth qui venait de qualifier le public de Raw de "Little Jimmies".

"Can you imagine if Sheamus wins this thing? I mean, the international ramifications, I mean the buyrate, I’m talking about the demographic change and everything? If Sheamus wins this match, it will be huge, not only for him but for the Smackdown brand."
Booker T., pendant un Title Match opposant le champion poids lourds Randy Orton à Sheamus.

"When I’m done with him, he’s gonna have barbecue sauce fueling out from his belly button like a geyser."
Michael Cole à propos de Jim Ross

"The WWE has gone from the powerful "Austin 3:16" to the dominant and iconic "can you smell what the Rock is cookin?"... all the way to "You can't see me"? You can't see me, what are you, playing peek-a-boo? Believe me, we all can see you. A blindfolded, sleeping, stuck in the basement Stevie Wonder can see your monkey ass. How in the hell do you think we can miss you come out here with your bright ass purple shirt, before that bright green shirt, bright orange shirt like a big fat bowl of Fruity Pebbles?"
The Rock à John Cena

"Jerry Lawler has forgotten more about wrestling than the Miz has ever known."
CM Punk

"If anyone says you can't do something, if anyone says you can't live your dream... Believe them, because you can't."
The Miz

"William Regal did the real work with this young man. Shawn Michaels took $3000 from him, that's all he ever did."
CM Punk à propos de la formation de Daniel Bryan

"I would RKO my own grandmother if it meant keeping this title. And then I'd RKO YOUR grandmother just to see the look on her face."
Randy Orton, à Sheamus

Virgil: - Ted, what are you going to do for protection?
Ted DiBiase, jetant un coup d'oeil à Maryse: - Go to the drugstore.

"Her teeth are going to be like the Ten Commendments after this match: all broken."
Alicia Fox, à propos d'Eve Torres

"Layla is not married. She deserves a good husband. I should marry her before she meets him."
Jerry Lawler

"If I suck, why would a Perry deli – the top Perry deli – name their top-selling sandwich after me? It's called the Swaggie. It smells like freedom."
Jack Swagger

"I realize how much of a starmaking performance I had in McGruber. The reviews have been off the charts. As a matter of fact, they are speaking of a possible early Oscar nomination."
Chris Jericho

"I'm sure your mom's uterus is awesome."
Vicki StElmo à Vladimir Kozlov

"If we were in your era, I'd put a Sharpshooter on you faster than you can put a pair of cheap sunglasses on an ugly kid."
The Miz, à Bret Hart.

"When I look at you I don't see fans. I don't even see people. I see money, money, money, money. Dollar signs, dollar signs, dollar signs, dollar signs. With some of you, a lot of dollar signs because I see a lot of fat people in the audience and I know you paid for two seats. Thank you very much!"
Batista à Raw.

"We are real women with the body that God created us with."
Mickie James, la femme aux implants mammaires en silicone qui explosent dans le ring.

Don Johnson: "This is a mistake!"
The Miz: "Mistake? No. Pink shirts and white suits, that is a mistake."

"One nation under Punk, undivisible, with integrity and sobriety for all!"
CM Punk

Michael Cole: "Our guest at ringside, Marisse. Welcome."
Maryse: "Oh my god, Michael Cole, you vintage nerd. You can't even say my name right. I should punish you and just give you my French kiss."

"If I see you in my match tonight, I'm gonna tear your intestins out and jump rope with it. And that's not all. I'm gonna take my two fingers, I'm gonna dig up your nosedrills and I'll rip your brain out. And I'm gonna put it in a newspaper and I'm gonna smash it against a window."
Mike Tyson à Hornswoggle

Ted DiBiase: "My movie, the Marine II, is superior to the original Marine."
Cody Rhodes: "Ted, my fifth grade graduation video is superior to the original Marine."

"I'm on Raw, you're on Smackdown... Long distance relationships don't work, Chris."
Big Show

Jerry Lawler, après une promo de Maryse où elle a qualifié Melina de "petite poupée": "Did she just say poupée? Do you know what that means in French?"
Michael Cole: "What?"
Jerry Lawler: "I... I can't say it!"

"I respect her. There are a lot of things that she does that I couldn't do, being the size that she is."
Michelle McCool à propos de Mickie James.

"We have MVP on the stage, and PMS in the ring."
Goldust, à propos des divas assemblées dans le ring pendant les Slammy Awards 2009.

"It was kind of like the 300 at the battle of Thermopylae, but with better abs".
John Morrison à propos de la fin de son match à Survivor Series, quand il s'est retrouvé à 1 contre 3.

"Hi, I'm John Morrison, and one time I drove my Lexus 700 miles on a tank full of my own urine."
John Morrison

"I always said if I could put my brain in Andrew’s body he’d be a 20-time world champ."
Edge à propos de Andrew "Test" Martin